I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize
