i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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