Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
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