You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
