You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
