Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
