I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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