I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
