I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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