is your mom at the bar?
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
