your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
