Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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