At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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