Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
