I'm going to jail i love you
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
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