can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
They have beer where we have blood.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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