i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
