Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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