No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
