I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Randomize
