Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
