as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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