well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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