He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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