my mouth tastes like poor choices
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
