I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Randomize
