Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
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