Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Randomize
