She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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