I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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