This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
