So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Randomize
