forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
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I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
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So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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