Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
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