Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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