the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
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