last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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