It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
