There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
