if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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