girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
