I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
