Duck Duck Cougar?
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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