those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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