I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
