I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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