never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
