ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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