I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Be still, my beating vagina.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
