he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
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