my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
