Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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