Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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