Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
