Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
