I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
