Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Randomize
