I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
