Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I want to have your abortion
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Randomize
