Taylor Swift is so right about you.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
