I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
