What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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