best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Did I show you my penis last night?
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
